Curiously Unusual

I almost didn't go to the Unity Church on Sunday. I had this pimple on my left cheek that was a little puffy and I wasn't feeling very attractive because of it. All I wanted to do was hide myself until my face was back to normal again. But with Abby's sleepy-still-in-bed encouragement to still go do this for myself, I allowed myself to overcome my shyness and just experience something new for a change.

So when I first walked in I had not one, not two, but three women greet me (or should I say trample me?) and stick a name tag to my chest. At first they thought my name was, "Bert" which I actually get a lot until I say it in French or spell it for them -- which I did. After I was escorted into the service room I realized how small the congregation was. I'd say there was about 35 chairs in there at most, and I just thought, "Oh boy, what did I get myself into?"

Although it shouldn't be that greatly important to note, I was happy to find out the chairs were especially plush and comfortable to sit in. Services can be long, and it's important for me, not to have sit on a hard wooden bench for an hour and half. I always hated that about church.

People smiled and nodded at me as they began to file into the service room and as we all sat there waiting for the things to start a husband and wife musical team were playing instruments and singing at the front of the room. It was nice to listen to their choices in music without being overpowered by the melodies.

An usher or greeter walked over to an older gentleman who had sat near the front, and asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee brought to him. I thought that was the kindest thing I had seen in awhile. After the woman left to fetch him his cup, the gentleman turned around and smiled at me, I just couldn't help but smile back.

After the service got started with a few songs and announcements, the minister came to the front for the sermon. She was a beautifully elegant black woman who had a bright engaging smile. She held her coffee mug in hand as she walked to the front and continued to carry it through most of her sermon. I found this to be a sign that she was relaxed and friendly with her congregation, instead of just filling the role of preacher.

Sunday's topic was on "Responsibility & Dependebility." To be responsible for fulfilling all of our duties as a human being in this world, and being dependable to others when someone has asked us to take on a task or chore that we have agreed to undertake. To do what we say we're going to do, when we say we're going to do it. She gave us several great analogies and examples of times when it is important to be responsible or dependable. Her jokes were humorous and enlightening and she continued to ask for feedback from her audience. I liked her a lot, and I am said to say, I will miss her already. Unfortunately, from what I read in the bulletin, she is going to be leaving the church soon.

But after the sermon, she lead us into a time for meditation. The musical duo returned to the front and accompanied the reverend's words with some soft easy flowing music for us. I found it difficult to get relaxed enough to sit still. Perhaps it's because I'm so stressed lately by some of the things going on in my own life and marriage, but I was really trying hard to quiet my mind. For one split second it worked, but then it was gone just as quickly as it had come. I knew right then that I had to come back to this church just to try the meditation portion again, if for no other reason.

When we all came to to the present, and opened our eyes in the dimly lit room, baskets were passed around for the tithing. I always feel guilty about how little I can tithe. But I put my money in the basket quickly and waited for the prayer for our contributions to prosper. We all rubbed our palms together quickly and held them out towards the tithe baskets, projecting positive energy for the money we had given.

We did this again for the prayer box that was passed around, and then we sang a closing song. Lastly, we all stood in circle, holding hands and said a final prayer closing with our hands in prayer close to our "centre" or hearts with a final namaste.

Afterwards, I nervously gathered my belongings together and looked at my watch. It was just five minutes before noon and I had scheduled my pick-up ride for that time. (I use a transportation service for the disabled and elderly on Sundays.) One of the congregation members came up to me after service and asked if I wanted to join everyone for coffee. Unfortunately because of my ride, I was unable to do so, but said that I would be back next week and hoped to join them at that time. She seemed pleased by that.

So yes, I will try another service with the Unity church. I'm not sure if this is the place for me, or not, but I'm willing to be open-minded enough to step out of my comfort zone and experience something new. I am still curious about it all and wonder what other differences this church may have concerning their services and interactions compared to most churches I have been to.

One great thing, that's important to note, they are open-minded about the GLBT community. Since visiting the Pentecostal church months ago, where I first heard a negative sermon on homosexuality, I knew I could not be a part of a church that did not welcome all of me. I loved that Pentecostal church! I know if I was straight I would've worshipped there happily, but I believe that God has created me just as I am, with my eyes wide open to all discrimination as a GLBT Christian.

I will continue to let you all -- the few who read this -- know how my church experience continues to go. Keep me in your prayers for strength and courage to go back, would ya? I think I'm gonna need it!

http://www.unitycanada.org/

Been busy...but decided to update a little

Life sure has been busy lately. I don't think I've really had time to think much lately about anything let alone sit down and blog about it. But as a result a lot of really great things I could've blogged about will forever go unblogged. Oh well...I guess that happens occassionally, right?

So, I did it. I went in for my four hour psychology evaluation on Thursday. Yep... I'm officially going to find out if I have some of the things I've always thought I had, like depression and social anxiety issues. I was so drained by the end of the morning with all the doctors. They even wanted to speak to Abby privately for a half hour, and I can only imagine what she said to the social worker. I won't find out what they're reccomendations are until November, but in the meantime, I have started on a low dose of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. Just by knowledge alone, I think I know what they'll be saying at my next meeting with them.

On a lighter note, we just had our Thanksgiving weekend recently and that seemed to go pretty well. I was a little more quiet than usual but I think that was only because my mum invited neighbors over to our family dinner, and I did not expect that. I wasn't aware strangers were coming to the meal.

It was weird seeing my older brother, Sean and his girls. I barely spoke to him. He doesn't really speak to me either, though. I rarely get calls from him on my birthday or Christmas. I have tried to reach out to him, and visited him and the girls in the little town where they live, but nothing really comes from those visits or that interaction, so now I've just kinda stopped care about it. I know that sounds bad of me, but if he doesn't want a relationship with me, I can't really force it on him.

As for church...well I'm going to try a new-to-me unity church and see what that's like. Apparently they are a little more laid back about beliefs and homosexuality. Maybe it'll be the right match for me. If not, I think I'll just start attending the unitarian church in town. I just need to get out and socialize somewhere. I feel so isolated these days. Especially now that Abby is going out with her friends more and more lately. I can only take the quietness of our house for so long before I go insane.

I feel so stupid saying that...I'm just a really quiet person in general. Honestly I think I've just forgotten what it's like to socialize with people. How do you forget something like that? I don't enjoy social situations at all, but part of me is beginning to crave that interaction and I know it's good for me to hang out with other folks and experience something new. But boy...I'm very nervous.